A Christmas Letter from
This is a brief glimpse of my
life, and intended for family, friends, and those crazy people who actually
enjoy my infrequent missives.
To recap: I came to
I currently live in a very
spacious apartment close to all the amenities you could ever dream of – it is
very convenient. Unfortunately I will have to vacate before New Year as the
Landlord wants to move back in, so we are currently looking at other gaffs
nearby. I am not sure today which we will move into, as we have a choice of
dozens. I quite fancy a similar apartment to our current one, which has 3
bedrooms and a real bath! I detest showers immensely. We can get this for £200 per
month + bills (£30-ish pm). My girlfriend Siu Ying prefers a Chinese style 2
bedroomed place, which at £130 pm is much cheaper. Whilst this is fine and
spacious, it is not my ideal, especially as I do need an office and would also
like a spare room available for guests…
Update: Today we signed contracts for a different 3-bed
gaff with walls and ceilings in embossed woods depicting scenes from Chinese
culture and traditional emblems. There is a large glass screen separating the
kitchen from the dining area which is covered with carp and complimentary
graphics. This apartment also has 3 bathrooms, 2 being en suite. The owner is
an English teacher
Time in
So what have I been up to?
Well I originally came out to
After my original contract
ended I decided to stay for a while, and have now developed a series of
businesses mainly related to: Exports (Furniture and Bathrooms + many sundry
items), jewellery, education, and dating. The majority of my time is spent
either building or maintaining websites, or acting as sourcing and export agent
for foreign buyers. Next summer I will also be running a summer school for
Chinese kids on a nearby island, with reverse links to
This year I have become very
good friends with a great guy from
Regarding my personal life, I
have made some very good friends, of which Eason is top of the list. He is a
designer of condominiums and their interiors, in his early 20’s and a bit of a
playboy. We simply get on with each other very well. He is a local boy and has
reasonable English, and he is very good at teaching me the local Cantonese
language, which we refer to as ‘Ba Wah’. He has also taught me a great deal
about local people and how they see the world, especially concerning such
things as relationships with the opposite sex, Chinese etiquette, and how
Cantonese boys think and see their world. This information you have to
experience and apply first-hand, although by reading these missives I hope some
of this knowledge is now passed on to yourselves. Given our predilection for
eating at outside tables of restaurants, drinking copious amounts of fluids
(Beer) and chatting the girls, it is not surprising that we have become very
close friends. It is through him that I met Siu Ying, as she was part of a
group of girls, one of which he new. We had a great night + several others with
this group, before I suddenly realized that Siu Ying was actually interested in
me – well, the rest is history, and our full story is in another missive.
Needless to say that our nights also involved meeting the girls for Disco and
KTV, or seeing a live band. To this list I could add another dozen men and many
more women, of which Candy Deng is most noteworthy. I hope you can meet these
two when I do finally return to Blighty as we plan to travel as a group if
possible.
Regarding language – I admit
I am hopeless! Perhaps it is because of people like me that English is now the
default world language? I can speak some Cantonese, which is enough for me to order
food and haggle in the local wet market; without having the need to mentally
translate back into English. Some of my dreams are also in Cantonese. I can
also follow general conversation with an overall degree of accuracy, although
following a TV programme is still a little beyond my capability. I cannot do
Mandarin full stop! For sure, Mandarin is the most important Chinese language
(Of which there are 9 distinct languages and over 70 tongues + a different
dialect in each city). Mandarin remains very difficult for me to pronounce, and
is very different from Cantonese, which incidentally is spoken all over the
world and in neighbouring provinces and countries like
Well, throughout history,
Greater China has tended to be an insular country, often barring contact with
foreigners.
About 30% of Cantonese words
are extremely similar to Mandarin words, and some Cantonese phrases like ‘Mai
Dan’ (The Bill) are now used in mainstream Mandarin. Mandarin speakers pronounce
from the back and roof of their mouths, do not use nasal tones, have four
levels of intonation, and can do tricks like roll their ‘R’s”. By total
contrast, Cantonese speaker talk from the front of their mouths and have 3
nasal tones (M, N, and L). They have up to 9 levels of intonation and cannot
roll their ‘R’s’. Most cannot even pronounce the letter ‘R’ and use a non-nasal
‘L’ instead. It is very different, and it suits me well.
Siu Ying’s native tongue is
Toisan Wah as spoken in Tai Shan (Mandarin placename), which is extremely
similar to Hoipeng Wah as spoken in the twin city of
I do commend
I now have a Chinese name,
which sounds like “Mo Yur(t) Han” (Cantonese). Mo was given me by a friend from
HK (
In Chinese thinking, people
from places like
But I ramble – as I am given
to do…
I thank my Father for giving
me the freedom to express myself, and my Mother for me being able to see both
sides of any coin at the same time (It is a very Irish trait), and the Chinese
for their un-ending hospitality and welcome.
I, myself, am very happy, and
have never once dreaded getting up in the morning since I came to
Allow me to relate what I
have been up to during the last 7-days. It will give you an insight into my
daily life and perhaps make you wish you were here? During the last week I have
visited many places, conducted negotiations, ordering + confirming samples,
confirmed orders for export, delivery dates and shipping with the following –
lets use a list:
1.
1 towel factory
2.
3 bathroom
factories
3.
Finalised details
concerning a fully waterproof,
4.
Worked with
partners to develop a sensibly priced pop-up TV for installation in hot tubs,
baths, and as a mobile /ancillary unit – using the waterproof TV of course. The
prototype is due for testing in January, but I am driving development hard, as
otherwise times will slide by many months
5.
Confirmed
specifications with a company that produces WPC wood products (Needs no
treatment for 25 years outside). We intend to develop their range to include
garden houses and gazebo’s – once I teach them how to make the planks in
‘tongue and groove’ format! Currently there range is only designed for decking
= ‘groove and groove’. Hey-ho! Instead of paying for a new German extruder, I
propose to buy a bench router and plane down one edge to leave the tongue. Job
done at a fraction of the cost :- )
6.
Found a second
reliable supplier of taps
7.
Visited a toilet
factory
8.
Found suppliers
of ridiculously cheap doors, complete with door furniture and frames
9.
Finally managed
to locate a supplier of printer ink cartridges that are not Chinese copies =
the ink sets solid if not used every day. The Boss of the shop travelled across
the city to supply and fit these personally at standard cost. Excellent
service!
10.
Bought a pack of
29 Jet Li movies for 40 RMB (£2.66 = 9 pence each!)
11.
Watched Die Hard
4 at the local cinema complex, complete with large popcorn – it was shown in
English!
12.
Finalised models
and product range on the Eago UK bathroom website I have built for Dave. You
can find it here: http://www.eago.uk.com
13.
Meanwhile our new
office is being painted and decorated, with 2 computers and desk sets due any
day
14.
I have looked at
15 apartments for rent, and we have decided upon a 3-bed gaff with balcony and
views over the
15.
We have also
finalised our summer camps promotion for 2008, adding two new venues in
16.
Summer Camps in
17.
Obtained
quotations for large outdoor signs (12’ by 8’), complete with mounting on
foamboard.
18.
Spent half a day
with the Boss of a glass factory, where we confirmed final specifications of
glass door sections for a shop front = prices ridiculously cheap, including
reverse embossing! Note: these are now fitted in
19.
Spent several
sessions with my friend who runs a hole-in-the-wall marble factory. Again,
excellent results, with samples of work surfaces ordered, and design for a
disability solid granite shower tray accepted for production.
20.
Worked with two
other factories to develop an exceptionally good walk-in bath, which is due for
prototype testing in
21.
Met with a
factory courier at 2.30 am on Friday night to receive a tap sample from a
neighbouring city 2-hours drive away. Dispatched to
22.
Signed up our
first 4 clients for the dating agency (Marriage agencies are illegal in
23.
Produced a new
place-setting menu/advertisement for the local Canadian restaurant, and learnt
how to use Corel Draw in the process
24.
Almost finished
designing his new 12-page menu, condensing the old one from 20 pages and
attending to both Chinese and English spellings and descriptions.
25.
Cooked beans on toast
for breakfast = yummie!
During this period we also
ate out about 70% of the time, one of which was at a Mongolian restaurant we
love; entertaining a group of eight. Total cost for a great night out, and as
much as you could eat and drink = £30
Mind you, there are some
things I miss from
Oddities? Technically a
tomatoe is a fruit, so you always find them in fruit salad = Yuck! I have to
travel 5-miles to buy bread that I can eat, as out of the thousands of local
breads, all are invariably sweet and never, ever, savoury. I also need to buy
many spices from HK – especially Indian and Italian ones. These are available
somewhere in
By way of contrast, we do
have an excellent Indian restaurant run by a very dark skinned and hospitable guy
who is native of
The Western restaurant serves
some excellent dishes including a delicious
Last night, 11th
December 2007, Siu Ying and I went for a wander around the local shops. I did
have a little business to conclude along the way, but nothing much. At 8pm we
were sitting at an outdoor table in jeans and tee-shirts eating some
deliciously large Oysters under a fig tree. The temperature is still in the low
20’s most days, and it hasn’t rained since … … Late August I guess? A very long
time anyways. Thanks to the bountiful Pearl River Delta, we do not live in a
dessert, despite little rainfall. We are situated inside the Tropic of Cancer
where the land is verdant all year round and criss-crossed with waterways and
irrigation channels at every turn. Thankfully it is not as humid now as in the
summer months, and this December probably equates to a good English summer.
I realize I have only
mentioned in passing one very important person in my life, and she is Siu Ying.
I am extremely happy with her notwithstanding we have very little common
language in the conventional sense. We do have very good understanding and
tolerance of each other, to the point where being together is our greatest
pleasure. We have now been a pair for a little over 6-months, and are both very
happy with what we have created. She has just turned 30 years old, is
street-wise, and has a classic beauty that is Southeast Asian rather than
traditional Chinese. I call her my Monkey, for she is so full of life and the
unexpected. She calls me either King Kong or ‘Oliphant’ depending upon how good
I have been hehe! After all, I am considerably larger than local Cantonese men.
For sure, we are both a little crazy – but then, who is to say who is normal?
Christmas 2007 was a time of
joy and chaos. Our new office opened on schedule, whilst I played Father
Christmas for two nights at the local Canadian restaurant. I’m not sure what
the local Chinese made of a Santa that smokes and downs lots of beers, but the
nights passed memorably for all participants! My whacky friend Ng was in for
both nights also – he is the local ‘Art student’ looking person who wears some
serious glasses and plays extremely good acoustic guitar. Meanwhile I grab a
sip of beer when I can, and hand out presents from Santa to kids, and generally
we all have a lot of fun. Later all the patrons want their pictures taken with
Santa, and I oblige even though I am sweating cobs in this red suit and false
beard. I remember to take off the uniform before I wend my way homewards. Eason
and other reprobates were also there the first evening, so that night we go for
late drinks and food at our favourite local outdoor restaurant. I think I got
home about 4am, but cannot be sure – as sometimes ‘time’ is a fickle creature.
So, we staff the new office
the following morning, and I head off back to bed! Ho-hum! Later I throw some
things into our large suitcases and with Siu Ying, walk them across the 4th
floor to our new gaff. Oh! Ours is one of 6 apartment building, and called
number 7. I never have found out which one is missing? But obviously one was
never built according to the original plans. Here is
As with similar complexes,
ours is an entire street block with all entrances manned by security. In
traditional style, the ground floor is given over to shops. The planned
supermarket that never happened takes over the 2nd and 3rd
floors, whilst the forth floor is host to Building Services management office,
and security accommodation. The rest of this floor is open, as the 6 tower
blocks rise from this majestically. The open area is home to a swimming pool,
kiddies play area (With things that young kids like to climb on and play
around), and features a 5am Tai Chi class. Uggg! Anyway, the point of this
paragraph is to illustrate that the 4th floor is a walkway and plaza
connecting all the buildings and associated high rise blocks.
We have fortuitously
engineered a week’s overlap between moving out and moving in, if that makes
sense? Basically I have the keys to both apartments for one week = 22nd
to 29th December. On 26th we have Siu Ying’s friend Tong
Lin (Tang Leng) stay with us, and at 3am the girls decide to start the moving
process. So off we go with wheelie suitcases and what we can carry, cross
blocks across the 4th floor, and dump whatever in the new gaff. We
do this for a few hours, and it seems to have been very successful.
I do have timing concerns, as
I am a webmaster, and also a businessman, so timing the move of critical
equipment is crucial. The internet to the new gaff was connected on Christmas
Day (Not a Chinese holiday, although they love it as something very special),
so it only remains to remove my private office before transferring the pc’s
(Yes, I have several of the blighters!).
Having started the night
before, we move the next day…
Tong Lin is busy this day
(Hmmm?), and so Siu Ying decides we can move the rest ourselves = Crazy! I
think she has overlooked the fact we have a large fridge-freezer, washing
machine, and some extremely heavy boxes! After a bit of a tussle, I convince
her we need the services of some guys with muscles. She eventually relents
after I ask her to pick up a large box of brochures = mega heavy, even for me.
Hehe! Boys will get their way with girls, one way or another ;- )
She departs, and 5 minutes
later arrives back home with a couple of muscley guys in tow. Not quite what I
was expecting, but you see, I made this a ‘Now’ thingymagig – so it is
happening now. We haven’t half way packed everything yet, so as the lads drag
out the first load of boxes, I frantically start throwing things in boxes and
whatever is to hand.
By contrast, my wife hasn’t
quite got this yet, and is dithering about taking her time over minutiae. Hmmm!
The guys rock back up a few second later (Or so it seems), and are ready for
the next lot to go. Fortunately we have the lift constraining their activities
to a certain volume of goods and our possessions. We just about get them away
full, and then Siu Ying realizes what else we still have to pack. Good girl,
she throws herself into the task at last, and we are actually waiting for their
return … if only by a few seconds. Phew!
Otherwise the move is
non-eventful, and everything is ok. I pay the guys a couple of quid each for
their efforts, and they go away happy. I have he computers back up and running
within a couple of minutes, connect the washing machine … and we are moved. Ah,
time to relax…
… Ring, ring, ring. Bill has
had a surprise booking, and needs me to play Santa again – like inside 20
minutes. I say ok, and the evening and the morning become the next day. Siu
Ying flakes out, but later reappears and we have dinner out together after
midnight. Eventually we get back to our new home and try out our new bed = we
go to sleep!
The next day I have a
business meeting in
We eventually get back to our
new home at some grotesque hour of the clock, and I switch on TV, only to begin
watching a Jackie Chan movie in Cantonese, then I proceed to fall asleep almost
instantaneously on our new sofa. Part of the furniture then I guess.
So I hope to see you next
time on ‘A Letter from
I am very content with where
I am, and who I am. My daily life is always a new day to treasure and give
thanks for
I wish you the same, and may
your god walk with you - Here is
Jonno